Blog posts Best Family Guy Quotes

60 Best Family Guy Quotes We Love (2024 Updated)

Family Guy is quirky, witty, and funny in that it can tackle serious and sensitive issues without holding back, making this series loved by many.

If you are a fanatic looking for the best Family Guy quotes, check out what we’ve prepared for you (with the help of the Griffin family).

Funny & Witty Family Guy Characters & Their Famous Quotes

Stewie Griffin Quotes

Photo of Stewie Griffin
  1. “I'm going to find something to strike you with, excuse me.”
  2. “No, thank you, I prefer to die giving you the finger.”
  3. “How does it feel to be the least cultured person at a bus station?”
  4. “Close your purse. I can see your tampons. And why do you need six? What happens to you?”
  5. “When the world is mine, your death should be quick and painless.”
  6. “The only reason we die is because we accept death as an inevitability.”
  7. “Oh yeah? Can you read my mind? Can you tell what I'm thinking? I'm thinking, shut up and get a salad!”
  8. “Mother, I come bearing a gift. I'll give you a hint: it's in my diaper, and it's not a toaster.”
  9. “Aren't you a little old to be wearing braces?”
  10. “Oh, and tell Cookie Monster not to phone me until he finishes rehab.”

Peter Griffin Quotes

Photo of Peter Griffin
  1. “Love is like a fart. If you have to force it, it's probably crap.”
  2. “Let’s go drink until we can’t feel feelings anymore.”
  3. “Whatever kills me makes me stronger.”
  4. “I'm not the smartest man in the world, but I can always look back on my life and say I went for it.”
  5. “If I am a child, you know what that makes you? A pedophile. And I'll be damned if I'm going to stand here and be lectured by a pervert.”
  6. “Oh, you people can kiss the fattest part of my ass.”
  7. “Now, I may be an idiot, but there's one thing I am not sir, and that, sir, is an idiot.”
  8. “When you poop in your dreams, you poop for real.”
  9. “The only way to settle a family dispute is in a cage.”
  10. “I hate to sound like every woman ever, but I am depressed.”

Lois Griffin Quotes

Photo of Lois Griffin
  1. “Well, the best advice I can give is that you never know who’s gonna grow up to be famous, so just make yourself available.”
  2. “Peter, we have a hamper. Stop throwing all your dirty clothes in the toilet.”
  3. “Remember, if you screw this up, Mommy’s going to kill all of your toys.”
  4. “Ow! Screw you, you little turd!”
  5. “Did you see that sweet new piece of ass?”
  6. “Peter, jamming yourself into a grapefruit is not an affair.”
  7. “Success is being true to yourself.”
  8. “This is a man who thinks the plural of goose is sheep.”
  9. “Together, we can do anything - face any foe, and overcome any obstacle.”
  10. “I felt like I had a void in my life like there was a secret hole in me.”


Chris Griffin Quotes

Photo of Chris Griffin
  1. “See? My dad’s smarter than yours.”
  2. This is why you’re so great, Dad. You don’t pretend to be someone you’re not. You don’t care what anyone thinks.”
  3. “I tucked it between my legs as a joke, and then it got stuck.”
  4. “I’m gonna see which lobster I think deserves to die.”
  5. “How do I know which one to shoot? How do I know which one’s the real dad?”
  6. “Oh, that’s okay. He’ll get over it pretty quickly and then move to another wacky thing.”
  7. “You know, Anna, when I first saw you, I thought you were the most beautiful girl in the world, and now all I wanna do is show you my innermost self.”
  8. “Um, I’m Chris. Sometimes I have to poop for a long time.”
  9. “Yay! I haven’t been in my closet for years! Boy, there is a lot of feces in here.”
  10. “I can set you up with one of my friends. Oh wait, I don’t have any friends.”

Brian Griffin Quotes

Photo of Brian Griffin
  1. “You look like Lou Ferrigno’s poop.”
  2. “You know what, Stewie, if you do not like it, go on the internet and complain.”
  3. “Whose leg do you have to hump to get a dry martini around here?”
  4. “We can make this work, like couples who meet on Craig’s list.”
  5. “I’m just saying, it’s no surprise that justice isn’t colorblind.”
  6. “You’re like all the worst parts of a girlfriend.”
  7. “No, we’re going to pee in Meg's bed.”
  8. “Oh yeah, every woman looks great in a sundress.”
  9. “Thank God we’re finally here. Kind of weird that they showed Flight 93 on Flight 93.”
  10. “I think I might hang out in the town square. I hear an oracle from Greece is sending a funny message, and I wanna be there when it arrives.”

Meg Griffin Quotes

Photo of Meg Griffin
  1. “Trust me, I know more about getting bullied than anyone.”
  2. “I’ve never been in a picture before.”
  3. “My dad gave me a gun to hide.”
  4. “I cut your name into my arm so I can always remember you.”
  5. “I stole 10 dollars from Mom’s purse.”
  6. “Finally! Look, Mom, I’ve had it. I’m not babysitting anymore. It’s Saturday night, I could be out having a life.”
  7. “That’s it, I want those cameras off!”
  8. “Mom, I can’t clean. I’ve got stuff to do.”
  9. “We should totally be boyfriend and girlfriend.”
  10. “Sometimes, it’s hard being me.”


Are there quotes from Family Guy that have become internet memes?

Yes, there are lots of Family Guy quotes that turned into viral internet memes [1]. One of these is when Peter ordered 3 cheeseburgers while Lois’ sister was in labor in the backseat.

What’s the most emotional or heartwarming quote from Family Guy?

There are a handful of emotional moments in the series, and one of the most emotional quotes from Family Guy is when Stewie says, “Lois, I was wrong about you. You’re my everything.” [2]

Are there Family Guy one-liner quotes?

There are many Family Guy one-liner quotes, including “I decided it’s time I got some friends more suited to my status” and “Let’s go drink until we can’t feel feelings anymore.”

In Summary

Whether it’s for a social media caption or you just want to remember some of the funny, witty, and heartfelt things these Family Guy characters said, we hope this list helps you out.

Whether you’re looking for a gift for a fan or something to add to your collection, Toynk offers a wide array of authentic and officially licensed Family Guy merchandise.



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