25 Best Quotes From The Office (2023 Updated)

25 Best Quotes From The Office (2023 Updated)

The Office did only cement themselves as one of the greats, leaving us awesome personas like Michael Scott, Dwight Schrute, and Jim Halpert, but they’re also a source of notable quotes. 

Our team spent 48 hours compiling the top 25 quotes from The Office to remember this awesome show by!

25 Best Quotes from The Office That’ll Make You Think, Laugh, and Cry

1. “Would I rather be feared or loved? Easy. Both. I want people to be afraid of how much they love me.” —Michael Scott.

S02, E06: “The Fight”

Michael Scott

“...I want people to be afraid of how much they love me,” Michael Scott quotes should be number one on the list. After all, who better to quote than the World’s Greatest Boss! Michael did make every one of us love him, goodbye Michael!  

2. “Right now, this is just a job. If I advance any higher in this company, this would be my career. And, uh, if this were my career, I’d have to throw myself in front of a train.” —Jim Halpert.

S01, E03: “Health Care”

We all know how it went from being Jim’s “job” to finally becoming an Assistant Regional Manager (not “assistant to…”, sorry Dwight!) and a co-manager, along with Michael.  

3. “I just want to lie on the beach and eat hot dogs.” —Kevin Malone.

S03, E23: “Beach Games”

Kevin Malone is one of the most relatable characters in the show, as this is exactly what everyone wants to be doing. Chill on the beach - with a hot dog in one hand and another hot dog in the other.

4. “Identity theft is not a joke, Jim! Millions of families suffer every year.” —Dwight Schrute.

S03, E21: “Product Recall”

Dwight Schrute

Who can ever forget Dwight’s angry remark against Jim when the latter impersonated the “Assistant to the Regional Manager.” Maybe Dwight lashed out because he didn’t know the exact right answer to “what kind of bear is best?”

5. “I’m such a perfectionist that I'd kinda rather not do it at all than do a crappy version.” —Ryan Howard.

S06, E11: “Shareholder Meeting”

Ryan Howard is one of those cases when life just went in a downward spiral. A classic example was when Jim caught him playing Tetris and not finishing a simple data entry task.

6. “I wonder what people like about me. Probably my jugs.” —Phyllis Lapin-Vance. 

S05, E01-02: “Weight Loss”

After a heartwarming appreciation for Kelly Kapoor’s physical attributes, Phyllis went on screen wondering what people like about her. After saying “jugs,” the subtle smirk is hilarious - she knows it, and she’s proud. You go, girl!

7. “Everything I have I owe to this job… this stupid, wonderful, boring, amazing job.” —Jim Halpert.

S09, E24: “Finale”

This is one of the most heartwarming quotes from Jim. He never really liked his job, but because of it, he found some steady friends, met the love of his life, and had a wonderful family. It’s not the best job, but it did give him everything he’s thankful for.

8. “And I feel God in this Chili’s tonight.” —Pam Beesley.

S02, E01: “The Dundies”

Pam Beesley

Who can ever forget the only one party where Pam decides to get drunk and give a heartfelt monologue on being grateful to God for the Dundies? You’d cringe if you were there, but Jim sure loved every second of it!

9. “Sometimes the clothes at Gap Kids are too flashy, so I’m forced to go to the American Girl store and order clothes for large colonial dolls.” —Angela Martin.

S03, E22: “Women’s Appreciation”

Angela Martin is not the best person to seek fashion advice from. This 82 pounder revealed skipping Gap Kids and using clothes from large colonial dolls. Angela Martin is sassy but not the best fashion icon.

10. “The worst thing about prison was the dementors.” —Michael Scott, a.k.a. “Prison Mike.”

S03, E09: “The Convict”

Prison Mike.

Prison Mike emerged from Michael’s perceived need to discourage his employees from romanticizing the clink. Michael tried to scare them off by revealing the worst thing about prison – Dementors.

11. “I’m not superstitious, but I am a little stitious.” —Michael Scott.

S04, E01-02: “Fun Run”

After hitting Meredith Palmer with a car, Michael tries to take the blame off of him by saying the office was cursed. Michael Scott then pinned the curse on Toby. It was a funny The Office episode, and we have to admit, sometimes we get a little “stitious” as well.

12. “I never thought I’d say this, but I think I ate too much bone marrow.” —Dwight Schrute.

S09, E24: “Finale”

Who would have thought that Dwight Schrute would be married? After a horrible bachelor’s night, the gang finally had some decent meals. To the audience’s surprise, Dwight had a bit too much marrow for his liking. 

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13. “I’m an early bird and I’m a night owl. So I’m wise and I have worms.” Michael Scott

S02, E03: “Office Olympics”

Michael Scott was never the best rhetorician and though he means well, sometimes what comes out is utter nonsense. However, you guys need to admit that this is one of the best Office quotes (and most hilarious) ever.

14. “I wanna do a cartwheel. But real casual-like. Not enough to make a big deal out of it, but I know everyone saw it. One stunning, gorgeous cartwheel.” —Creed Bratton.

S07, E13: “Ultimatum”

Creed Bratton

An avid writer on his make-believe blog, all he wanted was to do a stunning gorgeous cartwheel. Yes, Creed Bratton was a man of simple needs. 

15. “I am running away from my responsibilities. And it feels good.” —Michael Scott. 

S04, E07-08: “Money”

Who loves tasks and responsibilities? No one. Nobody likes facing real-life dilemmas, but this is what Michael Scott had to face when he had to work on the biggest company he could ever land.

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16. “I’ve been involved in a number of cults, both a leader and a follower. You have more fun as a follower, but you make more money as a leader.” —Creed Bratton.

S04, E01-02: “Fun Run”

Creed might look and sound like an unsuspecting simpleton, but he has a lot hidden up his sleeves. From being a cult leader to owning a small fake ID company, he’s so mysterious that he doesn’t even know his role at Dunder-Mifflin! [1]

17. “We didn’t play many video games in Scranton. Instead, we’d do stuff like… uh, Pam and I would sometimes hum the same high-pitched note and try to get Dwight to make an appointment with an ear doctor. And, uh, Pam called it… pretendinitis.” —Jim Halpert.

S03, E03: “The Coup”

Jim Halpert.

Jim missed the Scranton branch a lot at Stamford, and this is one of those moments he reminisced in front of the camera.

18. “Life is short. Drive fast and leave a sexy corpse. That’s one of my mottos.” —Stanley Hudson.

S08, E15: “Tallahassee”

Stanley was a man of few words, so you can be sure that when he speaks, he means it. What more can anyone ask for before they die? Stanley Hudson deserves his MLK dream before his current wife leaves him, and he runs amuck!

19. “Sometimes I get so bored I just want to scream, then sometimes I actually do scream. I just sort of feel out what the situation calls for.” —Kelly Kapoor.

S08, E16: “After Hours”

Kelly Kapoor

If you’re looking for a confessional queen to bedazzle your day with sass, the situation calls for Kelly Kapoor. She’s a good source of Office quotes too!

20. “I don’t talk trash; I talk smack. They’re totally different. Trash talk is hypothetical like your mom is so fat she can eat the internet. But smack talk is happening like right now. Like: You’re ugly, and I know it for a fact ’cause I got the evidence right there.” —Kelly Kapoor.

S04, E12: “Deposition”

This quote needs no further introduction. Kelly Kapoor is the queen of sass, and she knows it!

21. “Me think, why waste time say lot word when few word do trick.” —Kevin Malone.

S08, E02: “The Incentive”

Yes, we agree, you said, Kevin. Why blurt out many words when you can say a few and mean the same thing?

22. “Powerpoints are the peacocks of the business world; all show, no meat.” — Dwight Schrute.

S08, E14: “Special Project”

This quote from Dwight made much more real sense hearing it now as a professional than it did the first time. 

23. “Around this office, in the past, I have been a little abrupt with people. But the doctor said, if I can’t find a new way to relate more positively to my surroundings, I’m going to die.” — Stanley Hudson.

S05, E14-15: “Stress Relief”

Stanley Hudson

If you worked with the likes of Michael Scott and Andy Bernard for several years, you’d feel exactly what Stanley was feeling at this moment. 

24. “I have flaws. What are they? Oh, I don’t know. I sing in the shower. Sometimes I spend too much time volunteering. Occasionally I’ll hit somebody with my car. So sue me.” — Michael Scott.

S04, E01-02: “Fun Run”

Everyone makes mistakes, in fact, and this will be a shocker; even Michael Scott does! His biggest yet? He hits Meredith with a car and blames Toby for it in his “compulsive need to be liked.” 

Another iconic Michael Scott mistake is inviting everyone to his and Jan’s dinner party. That was a rough one!

25. ““I don’t think it’s blackmail. Angela just does what I ask her to do, so I won’t tell everyone that she’s cheating on Andy with Dwight. I think for it to be blackmail, it would have to be a formal letter.” — Phyllis Lapin-Vance.

S05, E11: “Moroccan Christmas”

Phyllis Lapin-Vance.

Andy Bernard had it rough with his relationship with Angela. What’s worse was that everyone knew about it, except the unsuspecting Andy Bernard. Phyllis loved manipulating Angela with the tea! [2]

Let’s Sum It Up!

Let’s get something straight - the show is amazing if you manage to remember iconic lines and one-liner quotable quotes from it. The Office is one of those comedy gold TV series that happens once in every millennium.

From Michael’s impetuous lines, Kelly’s “kween” sass, to Jim’s reminiscence, The Office is etched as one of the best shows ever, and this is not up for debate!

If you’re looking for The Office toys and collectibles, then make sure to give our site a visit!

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  1. https://screenrant.com/office-most-bizarre-offensive-quotes-reddit/ 
  2. https://www.buzzfeed.com/samantharayjacobson/the-office-quotes

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